Winter and death
Winter is the season for death. Death of old beliefs, outdated protocols, unnecessary burdens.
I know it’s the festive season, and you’re probably surprised that your girl is talking about death, but hear me out.
What’s more celebratory than shedding an older version of yourself and stepping into your authenticity?
What’s more liberating than putting down a burden you didn’t need to carry anymore?
What’s more joyful than stepping into a regulated nervous system state?
Nice is a disguise
So let me talk to my “nice” girls out there.
If you have ever been called a nice girl – it’s time to change.
Nice is often a disguise for offering pieces of ourselves to others to maintain peace. We’re usually so scared of our own authenticity and power that it’s easier to blend in.
Even worse, "nice" is often weaponized as a control mechanism to create a more compliant and organized society. Girls are drilled on what it means to be "nice"—dictating what they wear, how they talk, the kind of life they lead, and how much of themselves they must sacrifice for others.
"Nice" becomes a cage disguised as virtue.
But shedding our "niceness" doesn’t mean adopting another mask. It doesn’t mean becoming the archetype of the party girl, the rude girl, or the narcissistic girl. Shedding niceness means embracing your authentic self—the full, vibrant spectrum of who you are—in as many situations as you can.
Feminine energy is not confined to a single mold.
It’s the softness of the moon and the wildness of the she-wolf coexisting. It’s instinctual, emotional, and expansive.
We weren’t meant to live in constant conformity or in fear of rejection or failure. We were meant to embrace the full range of our emotions and express our whole selves unapologetically.
Fly fly fly
Practically, what does this look like? It starts by capturing the moments when you display your ‘niceness signature'.
The ‘niceness signature’ shows up every time you habitually act as a ‘nice girl’ and hide your authenticity. For many people it's 1-2 things from the list below in an auto-repeat mode. Here are some niceness signature examples:
Saying ‘yes’ even though you want to say ‘no.’
Suppressing the 'not-nice' emotions such as anger, resentment, jealousy.
Posing any restrictions on your true desires and nature purely to avoid upsetting someone or fearing shame.
Curbing sexual desires.
Pleasing someone—maybe a little too excessively—to maintain peace or blend in. (I recently learned from my therapist that ‘fawning’ is one of our nervous system’s unregulated states.)
Ignoring your need for me-time for obligations.
Hiding beautiful and colorful parts of yourself because you’re anticipating rejection.
How do we change?
Well, we don’t burn the whole house down at once. Instead, we take baby steps. One of my core tenets in somatic coaching is always executing change in small doses and from a regulated state, rather than stepping into catharsis.
Now that you know your niceness signature, we can start transforming it.
Pick one instance where the risk is low, and challenge yourself not to execute the niceness signature. It doesn’t have to be perfect or life-changing.
Start simple:
Say your first ‘no.’
Stop yourself from complimenting someone if it’s coming from a place of ‘niceness.’
Advocate for your me-time by asking for five minutes alone.
It will be uncomfortable, as all change is meant to be. You are teaching yourself to take space as the colorful, vibrant you in a world where ‘niceness’ is ingrained as a compliance mechanism.
So go, shed that niceness. Stop being scared of your power, potential and emotions.
I want to see you fly and take up space!
Comentários