Self-care isn't bubble baths

Self-care isn’t about bubble baths or aesthetic morning routines. The word itself spells it out: caring for the self.

Taking a spiritual perspective, self-care can mean caring for the "capital S" Self—your deeper, truest essence. The bubble baths may soothe the "small s" self that lives in the physical world, but true Self-care goes much deeper.

This is the most important relationship we will ever have – the one with ourselves. It’s a fact that many of us forget as we focus outside of us more than within.

Here is how I define Self-care.

Face Your Demons

I know, "demons" and "care" don’t usually belong in the same sentence. But true Self-care means facing your repressed emotions, deepest fears, biggest weaknesses and even your biggest desires.

Only by acknowledging these parts of yourself can you meet your true Self. It’s a vulnerable, messy process, but it’s the greatest gift you can give yourself. So go ahead and accept the emotions hiding in the dark as jealousy, anger, resentment, hopelessness, doubt – you name it.

Learn to Say No

Life is short. By the time we truly know who we are, we’re often well into adulthood. Saying "no" may be unpopular, but it’s one of the best things you can do for yourself.

Ask: does this activity, person, or commitment energize and support me?

Yes, responsibilities exist, and you can’t avoid everything. But can you minimize the unnecessary? Saying "no" to what drains you means you can say "yes" to what truly matters.

I recently posted an article about setting healthy boundaries that offers some practical tips in navigating the world of ‘No’.

I will be honest, every time my gut tells me to say no, doubt and guilt creeps up – should I really be saying no? Shouldn’t I be more compromising? Isn’t this a role I have to play?

Yet time and again I have realized that every time I said yes when in fact, I wanted to say no, I am left feeling absolutely drained and pissed off at myself. While every time I say no, I honor my deepest needs.

Let Go of Perfectionism

I’m at war with perfectionism right now. I see it in myself and others—it’s exhausting. From perfect table settings to flawless weddings, so much time and energy are wasted trying to control the uncontrollable.

Imperfection is freedom. The more we release the need for perfection, the more space we create to experience the moment fully. Is there anything more precious to the Self than freedom?

Get Help

Therapy and energy healing changed my life. By some divine intervention, I decided to try it—and it’s been a profound unraveling of my innermost self. Therapy isn’t instant or cheap. It doesn’t give instant results. There is always more stuff to work on.  but it’s worth it. Over time, it revealed a more human, complicated, messy, shining version of me.

Help doesn’t have to mean therapy. It could be somatic coaching, hypnosis, Reiki, or life coaching. The form doesn’t matter as much as the act of trying something. These sessions are sacred—they’re not for anyone else’s expectations, just yours.

Growth is a choice. Making this choice time and again is akin to lovingly inviting a better version of ourselves constantly.

Laugh Often

I surprise myself by laughing in the middle of chaos. Sometimes it’s a defense mechanism; other times, it’s just joy. Either way, laughter lightens the load.

Don’t take life too seriously. Watch silly shows, giggle with friends, or laugh at yourself. This energy is infectious and healing, even during life’s darkest moments.

I suggest this wholeheartedly after having gone through some really serious stuff in the last three years but laughing along the way with my partner and my mom (who is absolutely hilarious).

Learning to take life lightly has been an act of love for my soul.

Invite Discipline

Discipline is sexy—there, I said it. It’s accountability to ourselves.

This isn’t about perfection (we let that go earlier, remember?). It’s about building the muscle of follow-through. Just as you would in a gym, start small and build consistency.

Floss more often, plan meals, or journal daily – whatever it is that you have been wanting to do but have struggled to follow through. If you miss a day, it’s okay. Mistakes are part of the process—embrace them.

Discipline feels like an act of self-respect and love only flourishes where there is respect.

Eat Enough

This is a work in progress for me, but I’m noticing the culture of overconsumption, especially around food, in the US.

I look forward to pumpkin cookies, pumpkin spice lattes, peppermint lattes during winter. I know it’s all marketing, but I’ve fallen for it—though not entirely willingly.

We eat past fullness, often out of habit or an evolutionary scarcity mindset ("I won’t have enough" or “I won’t get this anywhere else”).

The food industry takes advantage of our weakness by pumping in more sugar, fat, and salt to make it addictive and mess with our taste buds!

Lately, I’ve started eating until I’m 85-90% full and having dinner earlier. I’m learning to replace overindulgence with mindful nourishment.

There is enough. There will be enough. This shift feels like an act of love for my body—much like how I’d never overfeed my beloved dog.

Closing Thoughts

Self-care isn’t always glamorous, but it’s profound. Whether it’s facing your fears, saying no, or laughing in the face of chaos, caring for yourself—your Self—is the most powerful act of love.

Note: all images are from Pixabay (royalty free). The content of this post is not meant to be a substitute for support from your medical team. These are my own opinions.